There are so many things that has happened. Over and over again I ask myself how do I deal with this? Many thinks that I’m ok. I’m not facing anymore challenges or stress as before.
I was diagnosed with reactive depression almost 2 years ago. I honestly thought that I had gotten over it. I thought I managed to pull myself out from the worst and perhaps most horrible situation that I would ever be in. I stopped medication last year but I have a feeling that it’s coming back all over again.
I wake up in sweats and not knowing what went wrong. I get uneasy when I see a lot of people around me whispering. My mood changes it’s direction without the need to break and turn. I don’t know how I should deal with this. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep and not worry about anything. I guess that’s the one reason why I am afraid of being alone. I can’t stand being alone because while I may be thinking at times when I’m stressed or unhappy that I want to be alone, it actually kills me even more. I stress myself so badly that I don’t even know how I can survive.
People that have been through depression would agree about this. You will never know how hard it is to get through life with depression. No one knows. I’m worried that it’ll be back. I’m worried that it’s already back. I don’t want to face it again.